Phil’s Series of Unfortunate Events: Stop, Drop n Roll!!!!

I Keep On Falling

My phone rings off the hook, I rush to answer it.  “You order Chinese Food?,” said the urgent voice on the other end.  “I’m coming right down,” I replied.  So hungry I could not think straight.  The only thing I could imagine is the savory prize on the other side of the door. ” Once, I get down to the door it is going to be on,” I thought.

In my haste I decide to leave my shoes in my apartment thinking my socks would be enough to keep me warm.  Besides I was not going to be outside of the door anyways.  So decision made to go downstairs in my socks.  Hunger can make a man do stupid things.

I rush to my apartment door to run downstairs to go get my food.  Unbeknownst to me, my foot never touched the first step.  Before my first foot landed, I tried to take a second step not realizing I never placed one foot down.  Honestly, all I could think about is the food.  This lead me to fly straight in the air.  I could only see the glare of the light on the ceiling as I looked up.

The trip in the air felt like an eternity.  Almost like a caged bird set free, spreading its wings for the first time.  I soared beyond all heights.  Like Icarus flying up towards the sun, only to have the clay binding his wings melt.  Sending him crashing down to earth.  The landing on my side was comparable to that.  To make matters worse, once my limp slides down the step not to mention my phone flew flying to the bottom of the staircase.

My new downstairs neighbor hears the commotion of me flying down the stairs and quickly rushes out of her apartment to see what happened.  As I hear the door start to open, I quickly jump to my feet.  Already embarrassed, I did not want to be seen in a vegetated state.  “Are you alright, because I heard someone fall,” she said.  I quickly responded,  ” I”m alright I just dropped something on my steps. Clumsy me.”  So looking around she surveys the scene but had no proof of a fall she looks on the ground and sees my Blackberry on the floor and goes ,” Is that your phone on the ground?”  “Yeah, that’s part of what I dropped,” I responded even faster.  Satisfied with my answers she decides to reenter her apartment.

With the little strength I had left, I pay for my Chinese food ran back upstairs to make sure I did not break a bone.  I fall out on the couch in pain.  “Fuck that, I put my body on the line for this food. I’m going to enjoy this,” I thought.  You know what? It was worth every bit of agony I had put myself through.  Fuck a moral to the story!!!!!!!!!!!


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